1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”
2. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?
3. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
4. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
5. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
6. Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?
7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
9. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler “Bad touch!”
10. Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
11. Lean against the button panel.
12. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “Hide it…quick!” then whistle innocently.
13. Call out, “group hug!”, then enforce it.
14. Try to take their wallet from their pocket. When they turn say, “Oh that’s where your wallet is!”
15. Slurp your saliva really loudly and obnoxiously. Then say, sorry…it’s my retainer (but you don’t have one).
16. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
17. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
18. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
19. Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, “I have new socks on.”
20. Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
21. Meow occasionally.
22. Break dance to elevator music.
23. Carry a big box in, then ask someone if they want to see a REALLY BIG snake.
24. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
25. Ask people what gender they are.
26. Practice making fax and modem noises.
27. When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again.”
28. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
29. When the elevator dings, scream.
30. Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
31. Investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.
32. Drum on every available surface.
33. Bring lots of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
34. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
35. Announce in a demonic voice, “I must find a more suitable host body.”
36. Say “Ding” at each floor.